Sunday, August 26, 2007
2:13 AM ;
I guess it was just a misunderstanding.
Great that its all over.
Friday, August 24, 2007
9:26 PM ;
First, you act nice and make friends with me. Then, you manipulate me to get what you want and stab me in the back.
At least i think.
Well, i've been thinking to drop the subject and just forget about it all and not care about it. I thought it would have been a better choice, so that i wont waste my energy or time you know?
So that i would have nothing on my mind but homework, tests, guitar and lotsa fun.
But i always remember me telling myself too, that it hurts more to hope and hurts more to care, but i must not let myself feel nothing at all;
can't make a choice. Maybe its nothing? maybe its no big deal? maybe im overreacting?
Ahhhh wahtever. See, it justs keep polluting my mind with unimportant stuff.
Lets just think nothing, and not let unwawnted feelings or rubbish in our lives, lets make it pure and clean, so that it will be much better right?
What the hell, my posts are so yuck. Uh lets be happy and optimistic :D
School is okay, but i didnt work hard enough this term. In fact, i didnt even work. I feel so bad. My results suck. So far, the only distinction i've got is geography and thats pretty much what the whole class got. Ugh! Please promise that you'll work hard for next term and get As so that i'll be proud of you. So that i'll be proud of myself. Actually, i shouldn't be doing this right now.
Well, chimo!
Thursday, August 16, 2007
9:51 PM ;
Hey,
well, this week pretty much sucked.
First monday, well, it was depressing, somehow. Then tuesday, where everything fell apart. I had around 6 hours of sleep, so on tuesday i had no spirit and was definitely not looking forward to going to school. There was history common test right smack in the morning. And i am SURE, and definitely sure that i'll fail or do seriously bad for it. Positive. I thought the test was utterly difficult, maybe its just cos i wasnt prepared for it. Throughout the test, my eyes kept closing and i like dozed off like 2,3 times? And after that, we had this english test which was equally depressing, and my eyes keep twitching. I felt so retarded, and it's like i was some toilet creep cos i always had to go there to wash my drowsy face. And even worse, we had c lit later that day. I kinda sleot about 1/4 of the lesson, i had no chance to sleep, the teachers had eagles eyes.
But luckily, it was tuesday and i had guitar lessons. I love guitar. It seriously makes me feel more relaxed and take my mind off things.
Then wednesday, nothing much, pe was fun, and we played the netball tournament thing. Then drama lighted the day a little more. Then recess, we started talking stuff and elisa told me i looked depressed or something. Yeah. But training was quite okay, we get to see the dsa people, and they were good! Training was definitely better than any other. Everyone was more enthu, and the court games were better. When i went home, i remembered i had ting xie retest the next day and i had to stay up until 1am plus to even finish studying half of it properly. I just can't work with ting xies, the stuff just doesnt get into my head. And i had waht? 5 hours of sleep. Great.
School today was fine, better, but we had morning jog in the morning. I dont know why i had muscle cramps. It was just so pain and munnyi and i slowed down, following the netballers infront. The whole day i was worrying about ting xie, and i totally used the guitar lesson to study ting xie. Well, maybe half of the lesson. It's not my fault! I already knew what he was teaching, and anyways i wouldnt have to play and so i could let my friends have guitars to themselves. But i did play some of the guitar, just couldnt resist. Guitar is really hypmotizing.
But after that, we had assembly. As most of you probably know, we had this acting drama thing together as a level, then 4 groups were chosen from the level to act for us. I am so proud of my class, they were so damn good! My classmates initiated that we would stand up and cheer when the emcee anounced (lets welcome 1 faith!). So yeah, the emcee announced and no one did anything, it was awkward! I felt like a coward and all cos seriously, if no one was getting the class up, then those people planned it for nothing. But i really think they should have started it, what did they think? That the whole class would just do it? I bet they were wishing that happened.
Now i'm really writning my true feelings okay? So if you dont wanna hear it, dont read then. Those people kept passing messages down the line to tell everyone to stand up to cheer and all, like what? 3 times?! And i think they are all scared of standing up. But if they were scared, why did they even initiate it? They even told me to help them shout 1,2,3 for the class for them to say go faith after they all stood up. I seriously thought that was lame, and standing up and cheering would be just fine. Why did they have to push everything to someone else? This wasnt the thing that bothered me the most.
But after the act, there was something in me that told me to stand to initiate and encourage the rest of my classmates to stand, so i stood up and cheered, right in the middle of the level, cos i was seated in the middle of the MPR. I was like, c'mon guys! Stand up with me! Then i stared at the persons who initiated this to like just back me up and support me, then no one even did anything, and they just stared back. What the hell.
And the level started laughing. I was quite embarrassed, but i didnt mind, they werent laughing at me, they were laughing cos they thought i was funny. The pang that i felt went through my heart was not the embarrassment of it all but that "my friends", those who initiated it, didnt help me out and stand with me. So are they my friends? I have no idea. Maybe i'm just over reacting but this was really how i felt.
If one of you guys are reading this, you might want to curse me or something, but well, do it, cos i cant change the way i felt.
It's been so long since i ever really did this, showed how i really felt.
So thanks to my friends, those true friends, the really cool netballers who helped me through this, and like encouraged me to be myself and to not be afraid of showing my emotions. Special thanks to qingqing, thanks for really helping me out. And well, i've done it! :D
Friday was so much more fun and great. Looking forward to netball trainings :) I cant believe i actually got a timing of 8.04 mins for 1.6 km. Although it aint that great or like not even considered good for you guys, i've never really gotten that kind of timing before and i am proud of it :)
Through this week, some stuff went on, and i was reminded of this again,
It hurts more to hope & hurts more to care, but you must not let yourself feel nothing at all - Avatar
and
friends are angels who lift you up when your wings forget how to fly.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
10:15 PM ;
I thought you were my friend?
And i don't know whats happening or how.
I've just realised how different you think of me. Like i don't even exist. Yeah i've tried, but whatever.
Thursday, August 02, 2007
10:05 PM ;
Hi im supposed to do my homework now, but i aint, and im like to lazy to do anything now, so seeya :D
